One Day

[hopenight]

Title: One Day
Author: HopeNight
Pairing/Characters: Sam/Dean (past mentioned) Sam/Jess; Sam, OC, Castiel, and mentions of Dean
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: End of Season 3, brief mention of season 4 character
Word Count: 2,395
Plot: Sam contemplates Dean’s death at a park near Bobby’s house. He talks about loneliness and death with someone who was there with him.
Warnings: OC, Incest mentioned, grief
Disclaimer: Supernatural and the Winchesters belong to Eric Kripke and CW. Despite my deepest wishes, I do not own them.

A/N: The girl is based off my experiences of losing someone close to you. So yeah it’s not an implant character. She’s made up totally. It’s just easier to write about grief in my life instead of making up stuff. So yeah…enjoy.

 

Sam felt like his heart has been torn out, ran over, and shoved back into his chest. Tears fell from his eyes as he thought about Dean. His best friend, his older brother was dead and gone because of him. All of this was because Dean had to save him. Then he couldn’t save his brother. IT WASN’T FAIR! First his mother, then Jess, then his Dad, and now Dean…all are gone because of him. Tears flowed down his cheeks. It made no comfort that Dean was in Hell. Sure, he was rough around the edges but Dean…Dean deserved Heaven. Okay so Dean didn’t believe in it. He placed Heaven next to pink ponies, unicorns, and leprechauns.

Sam believed in Heaven. Even if some of their activities didn’t really lend to heaven-ish trends.

He still deserved Heaven. He deserved a place of eternal peace and happiness. He helped clear out the evil. He deserved to see mom, dad again. He would trade stories with Jess embarrassing stuff about him. He would rock out to mullet rock with the best of them. That is what his brother. No this was what the man he loved deserved not a place of darkness, hate, fire and brimstone.

Sam got up and went to the Impala. He drove it to a small park near Bobby’s house. He needed some fresh air. He needed some alone time. All he really wanted at this moment was some QUIET. He got out of the car quickly not noticing the bike in the bike racks. He found a relatively clean bench in front of the fountain in the center of the park. He sat staring at the dark water the moon reflecting off it.

It was very peaceful but not peaceful enough to stop Sam’s tormented thoughts. He shut his eyes and tried to will the inner demons away wishing that there was a hunter way to stop it. He needed to do something…starting with killing Lilith. That sounded like a good start. Anything to get him back, anything to get him safe, or in a better place. He needed his Dean to be happy and not in pain. So much pain in their lives, so much pain ahead in his because he wouldn’t wake up to bright green eyes and a beautiful smile anymore.

He needed…something to happen. He needed the courage to get over this heart clenching sorrow but the question is how?

“Hello stranger. You look rather troubled this fine evening. Why is that?” A female voice said.

Sam looked up and met a pair of hazel eyes. A girl stood in the sliver of moonlight. She couldn’t have been older then seventeen with short boy cut blonde hair. She wore old sweat pants and a light green camisole. An old hoodie was pulled over her frame and a black ski cap in her hands. She walked over to him. Her flip flops making the only noise in the quiet park. She sat down pulling the cap on her head and crossing her legs.

He stared at the girl. The girl stared at him. A shock of blonde hair fell into hazel eyes.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I was thinking.” He answered roughly wondering why she was here at this time of night.

“Thinking about?” She pressed curiosity glowing in her orbs.

“It’s none of your business.” He snapped. His voice was a mixture of heartbreak, loneliness, and weariness of the stranger.

“Well of course it’s none of my business stranger but you look trouble. You look like you need someone to talk to. So here I am another stranger ready to listen to your story. Hey if it makes you feel any better I’ll tell you my first name. I’m Rebecca.”

He stared at her before muttering. “Christo.”

Nothing happened so he assumed she was okay. She tilted her head at him in confusion for a moment before shrugging.

“You know stranger. This is the part where you introduce yourself.” Rebecca said.

“I’m Sam.”

“Pleasure, Sam. So care to tell me what you were thinking about?” Sam stared at her getting the feeling that she wasn’t going to give up. He sighed a little. This girl was stubborn and she wasn’t leaving him alone.

“My…lover died recently. I just feel like everyone I care about keeps dying on me. My mom died when I was a baby in a fire same with my girlfriend a couple years ago. Then my dad died. Now…he’s dead. He only had a year…and I just worked so hard to stop it. I needed him more than anything. I wanted him to stay because I loved him.”

Rebecca nodded in understanding. Sam looked at her eyes. There was no pity in them but there was something in them.

“It sucks doesn’t it? You just feel like you are helpless. That there is nothing you CAN do no matter what you do. You just sit there and watch them die. You just hate yourself.”

Sam nodded and Rebecca stared off.

“My mom’s dead too. My dad’s still alive and I love him. I’m an only child. I always wanted someone else there…” Her voice sounded wistful.

“My mom died from cancer. It was in her brain and the doctors gave her four months to live. She showed them though. She lived eight.”

Rebecca chuckled here sadly. “I remember feeling helpless and angry all the time. I remember feeling like I wanted to die because she wasn’t there. My dad and I were never all that close in my childhood. I call it childhood because I was twelve nearly thirteen when she died. So I considered myself pretty grown up.”

Sam confessed. “My dad and I weren’t that close either. I was closer to him. He was my hero. He annoyed me, teased me, and embarrassed me. Still though I thought he was the coolest despite the fact that he blasted out mullet rock and never expressed his feelings. He was still…”

“Someone who got you?” Rebecca answered. Sam nodded.

“I was just so mad…I would do anything for him. I just couldn’t help him. Now I’m alone. What am I going to do?”

He knew how pathetic he sounded both sad and his chest was painfully tight. A life without Dean, without scent of beer and gasoline and something so undeniably Dean in his nose, without surprising pecks on the lips, and without him there. Beautiful Dean without his green bedroom eyes that pierced his heart.

Okay so that was a little girly even for him.

“Live,” Said Rebecca. Sam stared at her. His mind pulled away from his thoughts. She seemed sure of herself.

“Sam, you’re going to go to sleep tonight. You’ll have guilt filled dreams. I did, believe me. I choose not to see my mother while she was sick. I choose it because I wanted to preserve her memory. One thing that still haunts me is that one day. She was all but gone at this point due to her meds. She looked at me and said, ‘You hate me.’ My dad and grandmother tried to deny but she was SO adamant about it. I cried for days afterwards because of I loved my mom. I really do. I just couldn’t stand it. I was a child becoming an adult way too quickly. Sorry Sam back to my advice.”

She cleared her throat from her rambling.

“See Sam tonight you are going to sleep. You feel guilty so you’ll have nightmares. Tomorrow you are going to wake up and try to muddle through the day the best way you can.”

“Why?”

“Because that is what I did after my mom died. I woke up, got ready for school, went to school, study, read, watch TV with my dad, and went to bed. I went through the day the best way I could. I was sad and so angry at the world. I really didn’t want to do it but I did. It was for her, Sam. You need to live because no matter how sad or angry you are. You NEED to honor their memory by waking up every morning. You need to honor your lover. Go on and listen to mullet rock. Surround yourself in memories good and bad. Celebrate the days that pass because some of them will be okay and some of them not as okay. It will be that way for awhile.”

“It’s just so hard.”

She nodded. “It’s some of the hardest days of your life, Sam. These days are going to be torture for you. It’s going to feel like you’ll never recover. It will hurt. It will hurt for a long time. It won’t stop hurting…it’ll just be a dull pain, an ache. You’ll be able to smile again though. Still you need to get through a day at a time. Laugh at the Grim Reaper’s face and give him the finger. He has taken a lot from you Sam. Show him that you can still survive even when it’s rough.”

“Why?”

“Haven’t I been over this? It’s for your family, Sam. It’s for your mother, father, girlfriend, and this guy you love so much especially for him. You seem to love him most out of all of them. What would he do if he saw you like this?”

“Call me a baby. Say no chick flick moments and drag my ass to the Impala.”

Rebecca smirked. “He sounded like he was a cool guy.”

“Dean…will always be one of a kind.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it.”

“Can I ask why you are out so late?”

Rebecca gave a sad smile. “Sure. Tonight is the night my mother passed.”

“Oh…I’m…” He was at a sudden loss of words. She was trying to mourn but she still helped him.

“Don’t say you are sorry, Sam. I know you are.” Her voice was soft, sweet even. Gentle like the summer rain.

A silence echoed between them warm but there. Rebecca then spoke again.

“Tell me about Dean, Sam.”

Sam sat back and began to talk about Dean. He talked about how Dean was a kind person, about Dean’s sense of humor, how Dean dealt with emotions, and their love. He talked about their first kiss in the rain. He talked about how it was awkward with their teeth clacking together and their bodies were almost too wet to stay close for long.

Rebecca listened and talked with him about her mom. She talked about her dreams and she talked about how to deal with death. They talked until there was nothing to talk about anymore and the rays of dawn colored the sky pinks and purples.

She got up and smiled at Sam. “You’ll be okay, Sam. You seemed to be a strong guy. Just remember…it takes one day at a time.”

“One day at a time.” Sam repeated. Rebecca smiled. “You will smile one day again, Sam. It will take awhile but trust me. It will come.”

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Good luck, Sam.”

“You too, Rebecca,” and you know what the kicker is? He genuinely meant it. His heart was hurting but it was slightly less then yesterday.

She smiled and grabbed her bike from the rack and rode off. Sam sighed and got up. Sam blinked and picked up the hat that Rebecca must have taken off some time during their talking. He went to go after her when he realized he never got her last name or had any clue where she lived. He gripped the hat deciding to keep it for now, as a reminder. He sighed again and looked up at the dawn. He needed his brother.

He WILL get him back but until then…one day at a time sounded like a good idea. A very good idea indeed.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

“Rebecca,” stated an emotionless voice. The hazel eyed girl glanced at a tall, scruffy man that looked like a tax accountant more than anything else.

“Hello Castiel,” stated the girl happily, “Beautiful day isn’t it?”

“You should not have done that.”

“Oh come off it, Cassy. He really loved his brother, really loved him.”

“I can’t believe the Lord wants them together again.”

Rebecca raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Blonde hair whipped around her face, an outline of wings shimmered behind her.

“Sometimes you can’t love like that. It’s pure, Castiel. Can’t you see it? Feel it? He’s not evil, not with that sort of love coming from him.”

The man still stared at her with a mild expression. She sighed and raked a hand through her hair.

“He needed someone there. Castiel, he’s not evil hopefully. Just misguided, hurting, and lost.”

“You’ve been among them too long.”

“And you not enough. Let’s leave him with the memories. He’ll be drug into this mess all too soon. And I hate to say it but it breaks my heart a little bit.”

“It’s a good thing you aren’t a warrior.”

“Mmmm, I need to go little lost souls need to be guided and all that.”

The two disappeared with nothing more than a gust of wind. Meanwhile the man in question was packing up the Impala at Bobby’s. He heard of hunt a couple states over and maybe that will help a little.

As he drove off, not knowing he met an angel, he blasted out AC/DC and sang along until his throat was raw and glassy. He was still grieving.

However, Sam Winchester was fully prepared to take this one day at a time even if it killed him a little bit inside.