“When you find God, tell Him to send legs!”-Bobby Good God Y’All
“I’ll meet you at the bench nearest the fountain.”
Eleven fifty-five, Sam sat on the park bench nearest the fountain. His hands were clasped tightly as he surveyed the scene. Families were on picnics, couples were strolling holding hands, old men were playing chess, young children shrieked on the playground nearby, and teenagers were dipping their feet into the fountain to cool off. The sun shone brightly, and the trees were full and green. It was a perfect picture of a lazy day.
Sam felt his lips quirk upward in a smile, as he felt peace overtake him.
After this was over, he and Dean were going to have a lot of lazy days. But this thought was neither here nor there, he checked his watch again. A couple minutes after noon, his mystery caller was late. Then, as if on cue, a shadow fell on the bench.
“Have you been waiting long?” asked a shy voice. Sam turned to meet the man’s startling blue eyes surrounded by thick black lashes.
The hunter gave his companion the once-over. He was a couple years older than Sam’s age now (eighteen not twenty seven) with porcelain skin, and soft black hair that fell to his chin in a stylish mess. He had a thin, waifish form, awkwardly working towards maturity. Sam stood and met his companion’s eyes: same height. The man fiddled with the hem of his white t-shirt.
Still, there was something unnerving about him. The face was a little too perfect. The eyes were a little too blue. Everything about him was just a little too…off in a way that Sam could not put his finger on.
Sam shook his head, “I got here about fifteen minutes ago.”
The man nodded pulling down a pair of old sunglasses over his too blue eyes.
“I would like to get some ice cream. Do you want some?”
Sam would like some answers. He opened his mouth to say just that but the man was wandering off to the old fashioned ice cream cart. With a frustrated sigh, Sam followed him. The nameless man was looking at the menu.
“Can I have the alien one with the gumball eyes?” asked the man looking up at the teenage girl managing the cart with a hopeful, earnest expression on his face. She blushed and dug out the frozen treat. The man turned to Sam.
“What would you like, Sam?”
“All in good time,” chuckled the man with a small smile, “It’s hot out and my treat.”
And he was right. It was pretty damn hot. Plus the blue-raspberry snow cone looked really good. Sam sighed and asked the girl for the blue raspberry snow cone.
The girl produced his bright blue frozen ice after a couple seconds. The stranger took some crumpled bills from his pocket and pressed them into her manicured hands. He smiled at her.
“Have a lovely day, Marie.”
He turned, about to walk away, and then stopped, whispering something in the girl’s ear. He pulled away, and Sam looked at her face. She was staring at the spot where the man was standing with a look of utter shock on her tanned features. She was practically shaking as Sam turned to catch up to the man.
“What did you tell her?”
“That her boyfriend will wake up from his coma soon,” said the man simply as he took a lick of the bright green sherbet of the alien head. Sam ignored the sticky coolness of the snow cone trailing down the paper and onto his hand.
“I want answers. What are you?”
The man paused as if seriously considering the question. He tilted his head in a way that reminded Sam strongly of Castiel. He looked at Sam and shrugged before saying.
“I am not sure. I have just always been.”
And Sam really had no idea how to respond to that. He just stared at the man stupidly. The man smiled that shy, sweet smile: the smile of pure innocence. He leaned in and whispered in Sam’s ear.
“You have always known me, Samuel.”
The young voice sounded so ancient and true, like it was seeping into Sam’s weary soul providing a healing balm over the aching and scarred parts. He had never seen this man before in his life. How could he...
It couldn’t be but…
Sam turned and stared at Him. The trees billowed in the sudden light breeze, seemingly bowing to Him. The flowers’ colors shone brightly as if basking in His light. Everything seemed calm, and wonderful and paradise-like. The hunter gulped and whispered,
A brilliant, radiant smile overtook the face of God. Sam bowed his head, trying to hide his face away. He was unworthy to be in the presence of Him. He was dirty, and unclean and wrong. The Boy With The Demon Blood, Lucifer’s true vessel, should not be in presence of God.
A strong, ivory colored hand gently turned Sam’s in. The sunglasses were removed and Sam was staring into the bright blue eyes of God. He stared and could see galaxies swirling in those eyes. It made him want to weep. God smiled and said.
“Let’s talk, Sam. But first, it is a hot day, and I have grown fond of these alien sherbet heads. So let us enjoy hmm? We have time.”
With that the Lord took a lick of the bright green alien head and grinned. With His free hand, He took Sam’s, almost as if he were frightened that Sam would bolt. (And it was very likely, because this was God, and Sam had kind of brought on the Apocalypse.)
So Lucifer’s true vessel took a walk in the park with God, holding hands, and finishing off what they’d bought from the ice cream cart in between talking about books.
(Well God was the one chattering about books. Sam was still in a state of shock.)
It’s one of life’s stranger moments. The kind of moment that ends with a punch line…except this wasn’t a really fucked up joke. (Except it kind of was if one thought about it.)
God was chewing on the grape gumball eyes of the devoured alien. Sam tossed his paper cone and the stick the alien was on into the trash. The pair took a seat on one of the most distant benches in the park. Sam reveled in the shade of the trees. God folded His long limbs into Himself.
“Why contact me?” asked Sam quietly.
“You and your brother were the only side that had any clue what was going on. You’re the one that I was rooting for, Sam,” said God with a small smile, “Also, you don’t expect me to come in and save the day.”
“Most of the angels think that you’re dead,” said Sam.
God nodded sadly. He stared out at the park: perfect in the summer day.
“My angelic children are unaware of the gift that I left them with. They choose not to see it.”
God turned and His mouth twitched upward, “I left them with the ability to choose. I left them with Free Will.”
Sam turned his head shocked, “You gave them Free Will?’
God laughed like he had heard the best joke in the world, “Free Will is not mine to give. They always had it. But they were fearful of what I would do it if they used it. So I left them,and let them make their choices. They just thought that Free Will was something that only humans have.”
“But I thought…”
“Humans do not fear me. Well in the early days they did but not now. But even in the early days, fear did not stop them from making their choices. It only guided them. The angels were obedient, because that was what they thought they should be, like mindless drones. Humans strove toward goodness and truth because they made the choice to. I wanted the angels to know how it feels to have the choice, to clearly choose their own path to goodness.”
Sam slowly absorbed it in. It made sense in his head. He thought of Castiel, and how he’d changed since they first met.
“Castiel has been looking for you.”
God smiled proud of his son, “I know. He always had the strongest faith. He has flourished here. The only one of my children that doubts and believes, finding humanity in his Grace; it makes me proud of him.”
“I think that Cas would like to hear it from you.”
“I would love to see one of my children again,” said God, wistfully, as if remembering times so long ago that the thought of it made Sam’s head ache.
“Then see them. I am sure that Cas would love to see you, even Gabriel.”
God looked unsure of Himself before whispering, “Would they want me too?”
Sam took His hand and answered, “Do you even doubt them? They are going to be mad. But they will be so relieved to see that you’re alive and okay that they will forget their anger until later.”
He thought about seeing his father again after four years, and those endless months chasing shadows of him on the road with Dean. God smiled slightly as if reading his thoughts.
“Speaking from experience?”
“I think that you have the answer to that.”
They sat in silence for several moments, before God broke it.
“The Apocalypse is the one thing that I cannot interfere in.”
“I’m afraid so,” said God with a sad look that crossed his face. He interlocked his fingers tight, knuckles turning white, “My abilities only extend to create. The Apocalypse is about destruction. I cannot create where there is destruction. Nor can there be destruction where I create.”
“Gabriel thought it was, because you didn’t want to interfere.”
“Gabriel was always the cleverest of my children. I think he always had an idea where this was going. I admit that I wasn’t the best parent. But I tried to teach my children well and let them use the lessons that I gave them. Every good parent knows when to say goodbye right?”
“I like to think so.”
God twitched his lips into a smile. He looked at Sam before saying.
“I can offer help. The seals have not been broken yet. I can still create. Though I must admit that I am not sure how much help I can offer to you, Sam.”
Another silence settled between the two of them. Sam saw how upset He was. Sam knew that look all too well. He had seen it on his own face, his Dad’s, and Dean’s enough to know what it meant. It was sadness over something that they had no control over. His family would offer comfort in the form of dark humor and small gestures. Sometimes, though, Sam knew he would have liked a hug.
However, the Winchesters weren’t a touchy-feely family (in case you hadn’t noticed).
Sam would also like to point out what he and Dean did so did not count.
Making up his mind, Sam slowly reached out his arms and wrapped them around God’s thin shoulders. He pulled the surprised…being (He was not a man. Sam did not know what to call Him.) close and hugged him. He felt Him stiffen, before a pair of stick-thin arms snaked around his back. Fingers dug into the soft t-shirt that he was wearing.
“Forgive me,” whispered Sam into God’s hair.
“You’re have already been forgiven, Sam,” murmured God into Sam’s shoulder, “Did you even have to ask?”
Sam bit back a sob that threatened to overtake him. He did feel forgiven, and healed and whole in God’s warm embrace. After several moments, they both pulled away. God looked at Sam.
“I will give you a gift, Sam Winchester.”
God smiled, an air of mystery thick around him, “I will give you a gift. Something to make your journey easier.”
Sam stared not fully sure what to say.
“What is it?”
“I will give you the ability to tell who is possessed by an angel, and who is possessed by a demon.”
“This is me helping.”
Sam stared for several moments not entirely sure how to feel.
“But what about my…other abilities?”
God gave Sam a beatific smile. He whispered softly: old and ancient, “After this is over…I will personally cleanse your blood. You need Azazel’s blood to keep him in a false sense of security.”
“Wh-what?” asked Sam shocked. He wasn’t expecting this.
“I will cleanse your blood. And no visions, no incentive from Ruby…”
“Why?” whispered Sam softly.
God paused before taking Sam’s giant hand and holding it tight. He rubbed His thumb against Sam’s scarred knuckles before saying.
“Everyone deserves redemption, Sam. Even those who think they are unredeemable.”
Sam nodded before thickly swallowing back some tears. God gave him a few minutes to regain his composure.
“So how do we do this?”
“Well…kind of like a deal at the crossroads.”
A look of realization slowly bloomed across Sam’s face. He sat there for several moments before slowly saying.
“Are you serious?”
“I can do it another way, but it will be very awkward for all parties involved. And really kissing is just easier in the long run.”
Sam gulped. He looked into the too blue eyes of God before nodding.
“Alright let’s do this before I lose my nerve.”
Sam shut his eyes tight. God pressed his lips against Sam’s in a chaste, closed mouthed kiss.
Color exploded behind Sam’s eyelids. He could hear his blood flow through his veins. His past flitted before his eyes: Dad’s rare smiles, Mom young and alive, Dean’s laughter, Jess’s body close against him, Madison’s smiling eyes, Bobby in a rare moment of calm, Gabriel mischievous expression, Castiel learning about humanity. He could recall the feeling of Dean’s mouth against his in a needy, desperate embrace, like they were burning for each other. As if they needed each other like one needs air. Kissing like it was their final moments on Earth (which it kind of was those last couple months).
He saw a woman, tanned and beautiful, with long dark hair in tangled waves down her back. She was naked, but it only added to her beauty, like she didn’t know better. She held an apple as red as crimson blood in her hands tightly. Her dark eyes were as old as time. She looked up at Sam and smiled.
He could hear the serpent’s hiss in the background. And as she faded; he heard the crunch of someone biting into fresh, clean fruit.
In her, Sam saw the promise of redemption. Before he could say her name, God broke the kiss and Sam was forced back into reality.
His eyes flew open like they were really seeing for the first time. His heart fluttered in his chest like bird wings. It felt like he just ran a marathon. His blood rushed through his veins, and an easy feeling settled over his body. It took him several seconds to place that feeling.
It was peace.
He felt peaceful.
Sam couldn’t remember any recent time where he’d felt like that.
“Sam? Are you okay?” asked God gently. Sam turned his head and knew that the gift had worked.
Surrounding the body of God was a faint outline of color. Constantly in flux, it reminded Sam of things that he only saw in pictures of outer space. Countless numbers of tendrils flowed off the aura and into every direction imaginable.
It was beautiful and slightly frightening.
“Yeah,” whispered Sam finding his voice, “Yeah I’m fine.”
“I should be going.”
“No…,” said Sam grabbing God by the arm, “You should talk to Gabriel and Castiel.”
“In due time.”
“They’ll ask questions,” stated Sam nervously, “I can’t lie anymore. Not about the big things at least. Lying is how I got myself into this situation.”
“Then don’t. Have faith in me, Sam. I promise that I will not disappoint.”
God pressed his lips to Sam’s forehead. The pressure was warm and gentle. It filled Sam with clarity, and hope and emotions that he hadn’t felt in a long time.
When Sam looked up, God was gone.
He sat there staring at the bench of a long time.
Maybe he wasn’t as far from saving as he had previously thought.
Castiel: The decisions been made.
Uriel: By a mud monkey.
Castiel: You shouldn’t call them that.
Uriel: Ah, it’s what they are, savages, just plumbing on two legs. –It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester
If there is one thing that Sam Winchester wanted the most in the world at this time; then it would be redemption. Or at least the chance to prove himself worthy of it.
Sam always knew that he’d fucked up. Every drop of demon blood that slid down his throat tasted of mistakes. Every time he used his powers, his better nature screamed at him to stop. Sometimes, in the dead of night, he wondered what would happen if he had discovered the courage to say ‘No’. He wondered what would have happened if he’d looked Ruby in the eyes and told her to go away.
He was Eve in the garden. Ruby was the serpent, telling him to just take one bite from the forbidden fruit on the tree. After all, what harm could one bite do?
Sam would wonder if Gabriel and Castiel remembered Eden, if they knew Eve. If they understood why. Sometimes he wondered if God saw it come from miles away and still let it happen.
Eve had caused the end of Eden, of Paradise on Earth, Sam had caused the end of the world. The difference was that Eve never, ever regretted her decision. She hated herself and was wracked with agony the rest of her days…
But she didn’t regret it.
All she regretted was that she’d dragged Adam into this.
Just like Sam regretted that his stupid mistakes and tainted soul had dragged Dean into this whole mess, into Destiny’s winding road.
However, Eve knew something that Sam didn’t.
She had the power to make her own path.
Sam had hated himself for these mistakes. He’d made himself ill over them.
Today he’d realized what Eve had, so many eons ago.
He had the power to make his own path.
And that was why God loved humanity.
You don’t know my family! What you called the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner!- Gabriel Changing Channels
Gabriel sighed and stared blankly at the glowing rocks in front of him. He was trying to get a feel for Ruby’s power signature. Though the efforts barely used a trickle of his full power, it was incredibly boring and time consuming.
Gabriel was a highly energetic archangel (in case no one had noticed.). He was an archangel of action and reaction, instead of shiftless searching. He fidgeted in his seat, holding his hand over the rocks with eyes shut tight.
“Show me where the demon Ruby resides,” whispered Gabriel in ancient tongues as the rocks trembled. In the sheen, the face of a woman took shape before promptly turning into swirling mist.
“Fuck,” cursed the archangel as he took a divining rod placed next to him to check the frequency of the rocks.
“You shouldn’t curse, Gabriel.”
Gabriel froze. He knew that voice, knew that energy. He kept his back to the intruder. Fearful that if he turned around then this would merely be a dream, a figment of his wild and crazy imagination. He clutched the divining rod tight.
A slim, pale hand rested on his shoulder. Gabriel felt a lone tear trickle down his face.
Even if He was a crappy parent, He was still Gabriel’s father. And Gabriel loved Him. The archangel turned and looked into the human face of God.
God smiled, “Hello, my son.”
Gabriel turned his face away. His attention fully focused on the still glowing rocks. He sighed.
“Why are you here, Dad?”
“I wanted to talk to Samuel.”
Gabriel’s head turned so fast that he almost got an angelic version of whiplash. His honey colored eyes focused on his Father.
“What did you want with Sam?”
“Overprotective as ever, Gabriel,” chuckled God lightly, “We had a nice conversation.”
“Are you helping this time around?” asked Gabriel petulantly. He knew that he was hitting a sore spot, that what he was saying was a cheap shot. He was God’s Messenger. He, above all his siblings, knew the reason why God couldn’t interfere in the Apocalypse.
God frowned. His blue eyes turbulent and sad, “You know why I can’t help.”
“Why not?!” demanded Gabriel angered, “You’re God, Father. You could have gotten Lucifer to listen. If you showed your face then maybe we all wouldn’t be in this mess!”
God sat there and let Gabriel threw his words of hurt and anger at Him. His face was impassive, but his eyes held sadness and pain.
“Why did you leave us?! Did you not know what would happen?! How it would all go to the Pit? Everyone up there is screaming Apocalypse and destiny and death as we speak. They all went insane. Especially the middle management types! We both know they should not be alone unsupervised! This is not how it was supposed to be! We were a family…until my brothers and sisters had to take up arms against each other. There has to be a better way.”
A silence passed between them before Gabriel whispered softly, a single tear rolling down his face.
“Why, Father, why?”
God paused for several moments before wiping away the stray tear.
“Because, son, I thought that I was being a good Father. When Lucifer fell…I was bereft. I bore him out of the brightest stars in the night sky and the early rays of dawn. And I love him. He’s my child. But when he Fell, all the way down into Perdition and created demons out of anger and pain. I began to think of my failings as a parent.”
God looked at his clasped hands. His eyes were dark and suspiciously shiny.
“I realized that if I stayed, then there would be a chance that my angelic children would begin to resent me for creating humanity. Because they were allowed to exercise choice without ill conceived consequences. I knew that in order to prevent that I had to go.”
“You left because you didn’t want us to Fall?”
“I wanted you all to be able to have a choice. That is all I ever wanted. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I had to explain Free Will to them. Didn’t anyone observe humanity?”
“They made a bureaucracy instead.”
God paused for a moment. He shuddered.
“Are you allowed to curse?”
God raised an eyebrow.
“Right, Almighty God, sorry.”
The two sat in comfortable silence for several moments. Gabriel looked at God.
“So do you think we’re going to win this?” asked the archangel.
God smiled wickedly.
“You son of a bitch, you know how this is going to end!”
“Spoilers,” said God vaguely with the same shit-eating grin on his face. He then turned serious looking at Gabriel, the son he made out of starlight, rainbows, and His laughter. He asked, “Now I have a question for you, Gabriel.”
“I feel that another archangel is needed. How do you feel about Castiel getting a promotion?”
Gabriel stared, before breaking out in a huge grin.
“I think it would really stick in Zachariah’s craw.”
God nodded and his eyes were bright with mischief. Gabriel coughed before schooling his expression into one of seriousness saying.
“I say that Castiel is most deserving of a promotion.”
(referring to Castiel) He’s tough for a little nerdy dude with wings. –Dean The Song Remains The Same
Castiel was taking a walk when he felt someone call him. He had gotten comfortable enough to walk amongst the people. Though they gave him odd looks because of the trench coat and suit; the angel knew it was something not normally worn in the summer. But he didn’t feel hot, so it was of no concern to him.
The moment he felt the call, he almost began to cry in the street.
It sounded deep, and rumbling, and familiar and strange all at once. The voice reverberated through his body in the way an echo bounces off a canyon walls, or how a loud drum beat would pass through him in the Impala with Dean’s music blasting. It took him back to better days, running through the gardens of Heaven with his brothers, curled up under a tree as Joshua would whisper stories to him amongst the flowers, laughing as Gabriel played his pranks, and just being in the stillness of unconditional familial love.
It reminded Castiel of home, back when it was a home.
He’d forgotten that he had wings. That he could transport himself from place to place. So in a fit of momentary insanity and joy; he started to run.
Castiel ran through the sparse streets. His trench coat flew behind him giving an illusion of a pair of wings. He wanted this to real. He needed this to be real. The scuffed up dress shoes tapped against the pavement and it sounded like a fevered prayer of please wait, please wait, please be real.
The feeling of his grace racing through him got stronger. He could hear the rumble of laughter that was around during his fledgling-hood: deep and warm and kind. He ran into the park, skidding as he entered a small clearing in the trees. He was warm and panting from lack of breath. He loosened the tie around his neck even more and unbuttoned two more buttons to cool down.
“Castiel,” said a warm voice. Instead of deep and old, it sounded young and true.
Castiel turned and met the electric blue eyes of a young man.
He trembled and fell to his knees. He bowed his head. Tears trickled down from his eyes as he whispered the one word he had ached to utter for a very long time.
The young face of God broke out into a grin. He kneeled down and gently forced the angel’s face up. Castiel looked into His human face.
“Arise, my son, you have made your Father proud.”
“But Father, I have lost my grace. How can say that?”
God smiled softly, “Because you did what I wanted all your siblings to do.”
Castiel looked confused.
“You made a choice, Castiel. You choose friendship, love, freedom, hope, and courage. You protected your friends. You helped people. You made a choice, and a good one at that. It makes me proud of you, son. Because maybe I did do something right in raising you.”
Castiel bowed his head. A couple of tears escaped his eyes. He felt overwhelmed from the love and pride coming off his father.
“I looked for you, Father.”
“I know that you did,” said God with a soft smile, “I know that you needed me to come in and save the day.”
“Why couldn’t you?” demanded Castiel voice sandpaper rough and thick.
“Child, my ability is creation. I create. The End of Days is the one thing that I cannot interfere in. It is about destruction. And there can be no creation in the darkness of that sort of destruction. Just like there cannot be that sort of destruction in the light of creation. The Apocalypse is the only thing that I am unable to interfere in. I wanted to help. But I couldn’t. It would be breaking rules older than even I am.”
A silence stretched between them.
“I am sorry that I failed you, my child. You must be disappointed.”
Castiel looked up. His blue eyes were wide. The angel grasped his Father’s hand.
“Never, Father,” whispered Castiel with fervor, “You never will disappoint me. You created all this. Your creation is beautiful and wonderful. And I…”
“You see the love.”
“I was confused at first. I did not understand why humanity was so special. And then I saw it. The struggle, the ties, the way goodness can come through in the darkness. I see now. Why they are so special. This species is beautiful in their faults.”
“You have learned much.”
“I had good teachers,” whispered Castiel.
“Whether you know it or not, son. You did what I wanted you to do. I left because I wanted you and your siblings to know the power of choice. And you used you that power. I love you, Castiel. You were born from that love and joy. And I can never be more proud of a child.”
“Father…,” murmured Castiel voice thick with held back tears.
“Castiel,” said God, “my child. I think we need to talk about some changes this time around. You deserve a reward for doing my will. I think we should talk about a promotion.”
Castiel could only nod.
God grinned before pressing two fingers against Castiel’s forehead.
The trees in the park all simultaneously grew three feet, all the pregnant women in a five mile radius were suddenly expecting triplets, and the earth shook underneath humanity’s feet. Also the town’s water supply briefly turned into red wine (the winos rejoiced).
Sam paused feeling the raw power in the air and shuddered before going into the motel room.
Gabriel let out a whoop of joy as the power rushed through him, Castiel was safe. He finally found the body Ruby was possessing. All in all it was a rockin’ night.
He grabbed the youngest Winchester, pulling him into a happy embrace.
The young man turned his golden rimmed eyes onto Gabriel in annoyance and fond exasperation.
He then froze and took in Gabriel’s angelic grace with pure awe coloring his expression. A golden light surrounded Gabriel’s form. It refracted into a billion colors like a rainbow. The tendrils of light and color worked its way into the air. His wings (six hundred if Sam remembers Pastor Jim’s lessons correctly) are each a different color.
And it’s beautiful. Gabriel’s wings are like the archangel himself, bright and cheerful with a undertone of darkness.
“Take a picture, kiddo, it’ll last longer. Glad to see that Daddy’s gift is working out for you though.”
Sam rolled his eyes before smirking, “Six hundred wings huh?”
Gabriel flashed a shit eating grin. His eyes were bright with levity, mischief, and hope, “I give all other angels an inferiority complex.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Wait till you see Castiel.”
“What do you mean?”
Gabriel only smiled mysteriously and tossed Sam his cell phone, “Don’t forget to call your brother.”
Sam glared at Gabriel for changing the subject but obligingly called Dean anyway.
Meanwhile, in a park located in Jackson Nebraska, the angel Castiel slowly faded into the night.
And the Archangel Castiel, protector of Humanity and guardian of Choice, unfolded his six hundred wings and stared into the true face of his Father.
Now things would get interesting.